Episode 58 - Excuse me, but could I get that with a side of heart attack?

By: Kristy on Friday, September 09, 2011

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Ok, I take back everything I said yesterday about being fit by December, because no amount of Zumba-ing is going to reverse the damage caused by what I just ate for dinner.  In fact, I will be lucky if I survive the night without a trip to the emergency room and a prescription for Lipitor.  Oh arteries, I mourn for you...
How did I damage myself beyond repair, you ask?  I'll tell you, but be warned that if you read beyond this point you will inevitably be consumed by the idea of making and then devouring this glorious food creation and that I cannot be held accountable for what happens to you after that.  Really, this recipe should come with some sort of waiver attached.

It all started with this super old slow cooker cookbook that I have lying around.  It has all these recipes that sound really incredible but in the end are pretty lack luster and bland.  Occasionally I'll take an idea from the book but then edit 75% of the ingredients until it looks and tastes like something a little more my style, which is how this monstrosity was born.  Listen to this, internet - Slow Cooked Mac and 3 Cheeses.  Clearly, the original one, single cheese just wasn't enough for me.  Oh, no, I had to go adding other fancier cheeses from our stash.  Yes, of course we keep a cheese stash!  If you don't you should really consider it!  You know, in case of emergencies, natural disasters or zombie invasions.

Slow Cooked Mac and 3 Cheeses

1 box of whole wheat macaroni noodles
1/4 cup butter
2 eggs, beaten
1 13-oz can 2% evaporated milk
1 can cream of celery soup (concentrated)
1 can cream of chicken soup (concentrated)
1 tsp dry mustard
1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup Emmentaler, shredded
1/4 cup asiago, shredded

Boil some water and cook your noodles until they're just starting to soften but are still crunchy in the middle (about 5 minutes).  Strain it and add it back to the pot.  Next, add the butter to the pot and stir to coat all of the noodles evenly.
Meanwhile, mix the eggs, evaporated milk, soup concentrates, dry mustard, the emmentaler, the asiago and the cheddar cheese in the slow cooker.  When it looks like a nice, even, gooey mess toss in the buttery noodles and stir.  Turn the slow cooker on low for about 2 and a half hours.  Done!

So, if my arteries should become irreversibly clogged and I die before you see me again please remember me this way: